kicking myself

I have started, saved, lost numerous posts and therefore numerous moments where I melt, clench my jaw, or laugh hysterically with my 21 learners. It is now March and there is an abyss in my journal of January-until now. In fact, in 3 short days it will be April.

 I suppose I could blame it on fantastic gains - which are true - but should also contribute it to an engagement and carefully juggling wedding plans, a social life (kind of), and planning for fantastic gains....all of which do not work well with each other at all!

Needless to say today was a BEAUTIFUL day in SO many ways, in fact out of sheer exhaustion and overwhelming joy at where I am right now, I might cry while writing and it would be refreshing.

My  wonderful para was out today - remarkably the kids are different when she's not there, as if they know they have to listen....I don't understand it and I am so incredibly grateful for her that I don't really know how to describe what happens, but the kids and I are different. The day started with me teaching them a new good morning song, "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" - which I rarely do with my para there because I won't sing in front of grown ups....they LOVE when I sing.

We were silly during phonics as "word detectives" "Sound detectives" with serious detective faces and all...and they were more attentive than ever. They went to their centers- they were relatively on task. They were delightful at lunch. They loved the story.

Then it was math....I knew I was introducing sorting, I had grand ideas of how to do so in a "grown up" and serious fashion and suddenly my spontaneous nature overthrew my dutiful studious perspective. I grabbed the bag of 50 shapes - red, green, yellow, blue (squares, rectangles, 2 sizes of circles each) and dumped it on the floor then mocked being upset by asking who made the big mess. With peels of laughter they pointed at me and I shook my head - began blaming students. They giggled profusely. I brought them back, I said "well if you're not going to tell me who made the mess, you could at least help me sort it out" and proceeded to tell them what it means to sort and we spent about 35 exploratory minutes playing with sorting .... nothing definitive, very open and some great conversation. WOW. It was like being an intern with M2 again - kids "adding on" to each other's ideas left and right, "arguing" about how to sort, deciding what looked best, giggling at my silly questions. Only 1 student - my JD, fresh as can be, was beginning to sigh, wondering why it was I couldn't figure it out myself. But then again she had done that during reader's workshop too, when I was pretending I didn't know a word and tried to use first sounds to help me read. She was clearly irritated and said "don't you know it?"
The rest of them LOVED it - and as I dismissed them to line for recess I heard "you're the best teacher ever" though that is not the case, I realize they live for the excitement and spontaneity that I enjoy but don't use in the room. What happened to my fun-loving teaching style? I'm not really sure, but I want it back.

Then there was recess - jump ropes, chalk and bubbles - never before used at recess all together, and they loved it. Then I drew them a hopscotch and about 7 of them stood in line for 20 minutes or so waiting to jump, watching me model it over and over again. It was a blast.

I adore them. I chuckle at them in the morning - MB today came in as a ballet dancer ...twirling away in her own world - even to the garbage to throw away her breakfast. RB wanted to know why we didn't have school on Saturday. TP was in good spirits! Princess friend .... she had a tantrum, first in awhile. My special buddy T? He is turning into quite the learner when he chooses to - I retested his letter ID today - 38 ... pretty much on target, but he fought me the whole way through the exam. Then when his ride home was late - said "Mi'Towe Can I have a piece of gum?" How do I say no? Of course, handed him a piece and it was met with the biggest grin. Told him to have a good night "ok" he said back.

My friends are READING - yes READING. How does that happen? I don't even know! The light switch goes on and I really don't know how - I don't feel like I've taught enough but it is there - some of them are really decoding....amazing amazing stuff. The rest of following patterns, finding sight words, noticing structure, punctuation, and pictures. It's fantastic. There are times when I just want to watch them go through the day. I want to sit back and it's hard to keep chugging. They have to grow in all areas - not just reading!

My friends are SPEAKING in full sentences with amazing detail, structure, and thought. Suddenly in the last two weeks I found myself saying "WOW you just made a great sentence with your thinking!" They talk to each other - and when they get mad, they scream " I DON"T LIKE WHEN YOU DO THAT!" Apologize then add on (this is new today) and say "I feel ______ when you do that" and shake hands, find a solution and move on. It's pretty cool.
I really think kindergarten is the best job in the world ..... I won't argue with my principal who says it's hardest - though I could never deal with high schoolers so I don't really know. They are beautiful as an open book that's not yet written but at the same time like an untrained horse who has to learn to WALK not run helter skelter down the hall,   errr sit upside down in a chair, or perhaps shove a friend out of their chair just because you wanted it - though they are all identical sandstone chairs.

They are something else.....and I love them - every single one of their faces - now somewhat closer to mine and older looking. They are going places and I'm running to keep up with them!

"I'm having the worst day EVER."

I started my day near tears when TP - my little "man" who is often grumpy and becomes disgruntle at the drop of a hat, arrived in the room and announced that "It is a bad day - the worst day ever." I felt awful to hear that from him so early, before anything could have gone wrong so I quickly pulled him aside to check in.
He informed me that this morning, he climbed on the bus to wave to his mom and she didn't turn and wave to him. He was crushed - to a point of tears and frustration that she somehow missed saying goodbye to him. I don't know why or how but it hit me like a ton a bricks, I remember looking back until the last possible second - numerous times to make sure mom was still watching me wave ... and she always always was - and still is every time I go to the airport. But it crushed me to think that this little boy turned to wave and mom wasn't there. I hugged him and told him it was raining so mom must not have been able to see the windows of the bus and that I was sure she loved him and couldn't wait to see him when he returned home....as it would turn out, while my para was reading "Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day" with him (which I pulled just for his benefit) - he informed her that his dad didn't want him to go to mom's anymore and that he would be at dad's for the weekend. He expressed concern about not being able to go back to mom's. He even cried. While he tends to make poor decisions, he is a sweet and very handsome kid and today he broke my heart.

On a different note....Around 3pm today I got a burst of energy and excitement and experienced first hand that "fake it till you make it" is actually effective...very much so. We had a GREAT writing time!

Monday is the 100th day of school - we are more than 1/2 way through kindergarten and now I start to worry...will they leave with what they need? Did I show them I love them enough? I can't believe it but at the same time it feels like an eternity. I love it ... and I'm exhausted by it - all at the same time. I haven't written in forever and I need to. The quotes just get better and better as their language skills increase.

Last week I went to a wedding and TP (the same from today) said, "Where ya goin Miss Stowe?"
"To a wedding!" "You're getting married?"
"Well, I am but not today - my friend is!"
"I KNEW you was getting married!"
Cute.


Not sure if I already shared this quote from 2 weeks ago or not but MB was eating breakfast and proceeded to announce "Hey look Miss Stowe, when I close my eyes I can see people's bones."
"Oh really?" I replied - half listening, half concerned .... half interested... "Yeah, see. Right now I can see Miguel's bones." Here I had to laugh outloud. "Cool" No sooner did she say that but 3 or 4 others caught on and were admiring their abilities to see each other's bones....how strange.


wiped out - will reflect on monday.

I am in the world to change the world.

Classroom Pet!

Thanks to my apartment mate we now have a classroom pet - he is a teal beta fish with bright purple rocks and fantastic little bubbling tank I keep on the counter. I got him yesterday - when I went in on my snowday to get things done. Because you know ... I think I'm still a teacher even though this is yet another 4 day weekend thanks to snow! I am going to let the kids vote to name him ... talk about how voting can help you decide things - like who is going to be president and what the name of our fish is going to be....that is of course if he lives to Monday. It would be awful if he was floating when we got there.

The kids are working hard - lots of Letter ID and Letter Sound scores to celebrate, Oral Language scores to wonder at .... (not good), and boring Concepts About Print Tests to still give...the DRA is the best part of the 3 I've given, I had a level 3, a level 2, and a level 1 - all appropriate gains, in fact a 3 is higher than I might expect except given the little girl who did it....she is something else. I love to place a book in front of them and let them shine - they have grown SO much in 84 days of school and I love them even more today than I did on day 1 when I was still in awe of being a real live teacher. Sometimes I still feel that awe - mostly when I unlock my classroom, before the lights turn on as I walk in the room and I look around at all the clean little tables, fat tri-hold pencils, and decorations for Valentine's Day and Winter. Like yesterday - 2 solid hours to myself in my room - reorganizing, doing things I have wanted to do since day 1 but haven't had time to do....makes me enjoy the fact that I am finally a teacher. It's nice to have those little refreshing moments because though I love the job and the kids and the school - there are moments when "MISS STOWE" makes me want to run out of the room straight to my car. I need to remember that they aren't trying to annoy - and that each child is asking for the first time, it's just that there are 21 first times in a given work period! I am "needed" I suppose but I need to work on finding joy in them asking for my attention.

I anticipate Monday being difficult....but I will be ready to see them for sure!
More to come ... I have been slacking in writing and I don't want to miss details.

Quotes This Week:

"Miss how did your hair get so red?"

"Your cat is on the naughty list!"

D: "My Mom won't let me go outside in the snow cuz she says not to throw snow at cats..."
Me: "Do you usually throw snow at cats?"
D: "My Cat isn't scared of snow but other cats is."

(hmm).

"Miss I'm going to be a nurse when I grow up"
"Will you take care of me when I'm sick?"
"yessssss!"

"I has ringworms - they jumped on me!" - gross.

"The thermometer was green - says I can go to school today so I didn't take no medicine." What? (she had been in school all week....unclear what the issue was here)

D: (now my calendar helper for 2 weeks) "The month is October! The Year is 2010"
Oh dear - where have you been for 3 months my friend?

I have more written down on random post-its in my bag... have to write them down - it's great!

what is school?

Snow day yesteday
delay today
more snow coming tomorrow... ugh

kids forgot how to come in today. and I was missing 8. It was kinda perfect but it's hard to do new things with half the class missing!

T wrote his name unprompted with no assistance! Also completed addition - INDEPENDENTLY. wow.
Princess friend cried off and on ALL morning.

Did an exercise in equality and fairness after we read a story about Martin Luther King Jr. Today. I told the kids that only my friends who wear pink can have recess. So 4 kids got to have recess - at first - kids got  upset and it was perfect to get them to talk about how they felt. They were having a hard time picturing not being able to eat at certain restaurants or drink out of water fountains...I think it helped. I will do something similar tomorrow and use stickers. It's a deep concept for them but it's important when we are teaching our code of character - respect and unity tie perfectly into fairness and equality and rights.

Sania told me today she was going to be a nurse and I told her she had to take care of me when I get sick. She said ok :).

Then during math we solved an addition problem together and she said - without raising her hand "Miss Stowe you are the best!" Muhiba added " Yeah she is." It was cute - unasked for and made me grin. I responded " You're pretty great too."

Did I mention I love them?

afraid to write

So much has changed since I last wrote and it was overwhelming to think about let alone process in writing.

Coming back from vacation was ....exhausting and a disaster. Kids got taller and I missed them A LOT but they forgot A LOT of things that we are just getting back now. I pretty much told them now we start getting ready for 1st grade and it is very serious business. Then T was placed in a foster family (YAY!) and we were told he was gone (after he had gone home already - OH NO!) I cried...yes I did. So did my para. Then the next morning he showed up 45 minutes late with a DCF case worker (YES!) We grinned like idiots as we met them at the door and were told that his social worker will drive him to and from school every day (WOW!) AND that he would be having surgery to fix his eyes (INCREDIBLE) which now are straight and though puffy and red, watery, and easily infected, are already helping him write. It's amazing.

I'm pushing through some last minute Letter ID and sound review because the testing window opened this week and by February 2nd all LID, LS, Concepts About Print, and DRA scores have to be done. So naturally my highest kids are bombarded this week - giving the lower set time to soak up some more skill before they get tested. Already seeing positive growth in LID and CAP - kids know about words and letters, also 1:1 match, periods, commas, and even quotation marks. They are ALL able to identify "We" which is great.

This week I laminated 25 sight words (or star words as we call them) and taped them to each child's seat (well all but 6 who received modified words). The children practice their words when they think they are done. It's great!

Also a new rule - no more saying "I'm done" not only is it my pet peeve but it's not true, I taught them to say "Our learning is never done!"

Added journals to our writing experience, added science to our weekly schedule, and made centers SERIOUS working times.

Just redid my groups and also made groups for my para to see so that they are getting read to and oral language more often.
I LOVE my job....now I'm anxiously awaiting the results of all our testing to see whether I'm DOING my job!