Saturday, May 16, 2009

Impatient Musings

Clearly I have more time to write when I'm home ....

So lately (well ok it's not lately it's been awhile now) everyone's engagement photos, weddings, etc and unfortunately it's not helping my patience at all.
So here's a word vomit musing from the mouth of an impatient girl.

Right Now....I have 1 degree, I can be home for a month, away for a week, and back to the east to work, I can take off and travel, I can be lazy all day if I choose, I can indulge myself with an episode of Grey's or The Office, I can take random photos for fun, I can waste time writing in a blog, I can read books in the sun, I can shop, I can buy concert tickets for weeknight concerts in Massachusetts or Hartford and know that I'll figure out a way to get there, I can call home everyday - sometimes more -, I am not entirely self-sufficient and that's OK for now, I can cook when I want - or not when I don't, I can ask for help to get somewhere or stay somewhere and it's ok, I can stay up till 3 just having fun or go to bed at 10 and not worry about getting things done, I can spontaneously go on a day trip, I can tag along on other people's vacations, I can stalk other people's weddings in secret (ha), I can be paid for taking care of children, I can dive into a school and become very involved without concern for other aspects of my life.... the list goes on.

Patience (pā-shəns) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

That means I can wait even though sometimes it aches and sometimes it seems like forever because Someday....I will have my own engagement photos, wedding and reception plus honeymoon, Someday I will keep a house clean, cook all the time, get up early for work every morning, pay all kinds of bills, garden, have a dog, and have kids. Someday I will have to plan when I go on vacation or a day trip. Someday isn't that far away so for this moment - today - tomorrow- this week even this year it's my job to enjoy and not wish away. Moments to savor and use up to the very last drop of energy and memory, thoughts and feelings to spill onto blank pages and capture with frames and laughs....not time to count down to or spend hours daydreaming beyond. I have right now and I have someday.....but I have to live and enjoy right now before I get to someday - right?!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Plane Writing....

I spent time reflecting on Student Teaching on the plane yesterday, looking over notes I wrote as I observed in the classroom and reflecting on what that looked like when I took over - this is only an excerpt and it's mostly an effort to have things in more than one place to remind me later. I also set out to list what stands out about each child...

Thoughts Now: I realize how many of those management methods I used and found effective. The most impressive is Mrs. Delaney’s use of “The Angry Teacher” – an almost alter persona that she can take on or off and allows her to use a firm voice and then let it go and give the students a second chance Although I never borrowed that technique while she was in the room, I did use “You are making me use my angry voice and Miss Stowe does not like to be angry, can you fix it so we can go back to learning?”

First Day as a “Student Teacher”
7:45 felt early, empty&weird, the classroom feels familiar which I am grateful for. Concerns: having to be the same, not being able to try new things, not having behavior under control, people watching me teach – people I don’t know . Hope: to love it, to show that I love it, to try new things, to instill a love for reading, to get involved and do new things with faculty, to meet other staff members

2/3& 2/4 I did story and lines to get a handle on management and take over small pieces at a time – I remember feeling inadequate and unprepared to have the class alone in the hall and worrying that they wouldn’t make me ‘look’ like a teacher. Kids can’t make me look like a teacher, I am a teacher and I want them to be and look like students!

That’s where my regular reflections end – everything else is in my binder….quick notes here and there, some days full reflection.

The kids? They’ve stolen my heart and will always hold a first grip on my heart. Especially Jaquan, Jaime, Johannes….the list goes on.
Marcus’ toothless smile and dirty shirts,
Diamond’s reluctant and obstinate behavior, but ear to ear grin
Nyzaiah’s awkward gait and teddy bear heart, bright blue eyes
Jeremiah’s sparkle and big broad shoulders, I so want him to stop being lazy
Emily’s need to be helpful, her love for her parents serving in Iraq, her concern for her friends but anger towards her brother and grandmother
Jaime’s need to fidget and hum and choose what he does but fantastic creativity and spontaneous hugs for me – the way I love him when everyone else gets frustrated by him
Kiara’s constant touching and itching but crave for love, her scabs, peeling lips, and sores
Maheshwar’s little accent and old man ways, love for learning and his friendship with Sheik
Joshua’s need to be affirmed and the time he asked if I was done talking,
Adrian’s dad every morning and how they said goodbye,
Abel’s brilliant attention and obsession with UConn,
Myrka’s little Latina attitude but sensitive side,
Melvin F’s cheeks and electric smile ( he gets it from mom) and how upset he would get during reading tests but he got more confident!
Sheik’s daydreaming and constant reminders for Sanitizer – how much he was like Ian
Asia’s love for her sisters and mom, sense of fashion and always needing me to unbutton her pants at the bathroom because she had a belly
Amanda’s initial shyness and inattention but eventual trust and love and how wonderful her parents were
Jaquan’s handsome face in the morning with a tie and sweater, breath-taking hugs, need to make me happy but inevitable inability to control his body
Melvin S’s need for space, brilliance, love for Mrs. Delaney and unbelievable attention to everyone else following the rules
Yeshera’s spontaneous need to hop off the carpet, love for books, little glasses, change in behavior after medicine for ADHD, great listening, and ‘strategy pillow’
Tylehjah’s heart-breaking shyness and fear of adults, sensitivity, inability to focus or answer questions, love for Hanna Montana
Xaymara’s sudden independence and love for the ‘light’ of learning, ability to read and work alone, and sensitivity regarding earning points and getting to the treasure box

From Reading:
Johanne’s backwards grammar and sweet face and daily “good morning Miss Stowe”
John’s backwards thinking but great answers and steady growth be continued