What is this Anyway?

I use Google to see if anyone reads this - not sure why I care, but it's kind of cool to see where people are reading it from and what pages get read the most. Then I had a revelation, why do I care? I re-interest in blogging came from a writing course in the school of ed - a discussion of teachers as writers and writers needing to write. This happens to be more natural for me than writing in a notebook thus it becomes my 'writers notebook.' But if it comes up in conversation, the likely response is "weird, I would never write like that so other people could see it." or "Why do you want people reading that crap?" and most common, "not like anyone cares." All of which may be completely true. Yet thousands of people blog across the world...why?

I comfort myself with the idea that it's just a desire to see our thoughts in print. For some of us it is an outlet, a place to experiment almost anonymously and for people to read - anonymously - occasionally offering feedback - and still be anonymous. For others I think it may be like a diary and for some a self-focused newspaper. I like the idea of it being a writer's notebook but that still doesn't solve the question of why I don't just make it private so only I can read it - if I had a writer's notebook for things as long as my posts tend to be, you can bet I wouldn't have copies of it lying around for friends to read. So why blog? 55 people read my blog in the past 30 days...does that matter in the big scheme? No, not at all. Did what I wrote make a difference? Nope. Ok. Still stuck.

How about this - what if by writing our ideas, musings, written experimentations, and creative juices and then reading those of others, we are 'stretching' and widening our perspective. Whether we are hearing about other parts of the world or considering opinions that may be counter our own, we are strengthening our experience, our thought patterns, and even perhaps our knowledge base. OK - but still, why bother?

You got me there but I think it comes back to thoughts in print - there it is; my thoughts matter to at least *me* because they are in print and in this day in age if something is in print - or digital print, it matters to someone somewhere. Even if the majority of the people who see it are in CT or CA. (thanks google - that's cool too).

Snapshot 3:12pm Saturday

I'm seated at a desk my dad made when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, it faces out a large (5 feet by 2 1/2 feet) window where tall leafy green bushes block a clear view of the back neighbor's yard, 2 tall but skinny redwoods stand several yards back and the sun is poking in between them, if I tilt my head just right, it glistens on my eyelashes and nearly blinds me but makes me smile. It is reflecting off my back and to the right neighbor's chimney, making Mount Baldy hard to spot but still there. The sky is blue with whispy and somewhat studded clouds that seem to stand still. Things are turning a spring green as the rain becomes consistent.
I'm a little chilly, a sweater, ballet flats, and jeans is a perfect outfit but the house stays cool longer than the outside and the heat isn't on yet. Mom's in the living room by the tree on the phone and the boys are out. We are heading out with Dad to the city tonight. The air smells clean, cool, and fresh but not lung-freezing bitter.

Brain snapshot:
I love being home. How much longer will I come home for all of break? What is everyone doing back East? What should I get Jacob for Christmas? I miss Duncan. I love bagels with cream cheese - especially garlic bagels. Decorating my room for Christmas made me feel more ready. The house is cozy and pretty decorated - even though I miss a real tree. Two Christmases seems weird - will it always seem weird? Baby Mama was hilarious and worth renting. Do cell phones really cause brain tumors? I don't want one anymore - that's fine with me. Both brothers are now taller than me - yikes. I can't believe Jacob is 16, he was actually nice to me today but still wonders what I was doing at 16 and wants to make sure it's all fair. I'd go for a walk if I had a dog right now. Will tonight be awkward? What can we do for New Years? This is not my style of writing at all...can't add to the list anymore.