March Comes in Like....

a warm glow
wind through cracked windows
throw them wide.

Gamble on the weather, give the dice a throw
Curtain twirl and billows.
There's no need to be inside.

Just this day and maybe the next
trust in the sun
breath in the life that fills the air;

the sounds read like text
as I'm tempted by fun
and cannot help but stare.

Hope and a smile
sneezes and a giggle
at the sillyness of feeling so alive in the light.

and a very poor attempt at putting it into words.

Is it the wrong side of the bed - time conversations
without resolution
New Year's or not
ready to start a day
that's almost impossible to tackle
even armed with faith and friends
who try but can't understand entirely
the way you can
but can't
seem to find peace
or rest
And the wave has to break
or break you and it rolls
but it swells and instead gets bigger
as you get smaller
than the problems you are facing
with eyes that are burning with tears
which threaten to spill over
the hours and minutes and seconds that add
together accumulating
a power not their own and a misery not determined by the circumstances or people or places or sleep
but the choice to react
to the terrible horrible no good things
make us tired and angry and grumpy
was a dwarf
but the day is not, it's a giant
until it falls
like the sun and snow and the water
streaming from the shower head with my tears
which clean and refresh like sleep
which comes
like the sun with tomorrow

which is, after all another day
that brings hope and joy, peace and promise
of opportunity and security
is knowing that it will be

another day.

flail
sweat
flail harder
drip sweat
stare at the time
try not to breathe through the mouth
flail more gracefully
fling sweat from eyes
try not to pant
attempt to drink without falling
stare at the time
stare at the calories
stare at the distance covered
will legs to keep moving
stare at people nearby
watch old men lift weights
watch muscular sticks run fast
wipe sweat
lick lips
feel thirsty
up difficulty
flail a lot
stare at one minute remaining
cool down

Home.

5 years now of leaving what I'm making my 'home' for where my family is - which will always be home because it's where they are.

this is a hard thing to figure out. I love being here - it's cozy, they're here...but I'm not "back home" I'm visiting...right?

What part of me is still here? Some of my belongings - though not a lot, mostly ornaments, books, and my empty dresser - my heart - for sure - but am I supposed to come back and melt back in or be different? It's a hard line to figure out. I'm grateful I am independent and confident enough to be ok with calling my apartment home...many go right back to being a 'kid' again when they live with their parents, not sure that's the way to go. Still hard to figure though...

Home for the Holidays.

amazing grace

I ache - my heart aches - I go for hours unthinking and then WHAM it's like bricks and this huge gaping whole left by such a small girl. Her beaming smile, giggles, backwards hugs, Hello Kitty socks, six pack, gymnist body, adorable accent (from where - not sure!), and obsession with Matt & the "Disney Game." The anticipation waiting for her to arrive - counting the months, weeks, days - meeting her, unable to hold her long enough to cuddle (always on the go). Sunday - asking her to hug me before she left - making her turn back to where I was standing and scooping her up in a bear hug - a kiss on the cheek, "I love you and I'll see you soon k?"

Amazing Grace.


Grace:

• a state of sanctification by God; the state of one who is under such divine influence;
  
• elegance and beauty of movement or expression;
  
• seemliness: a sense of propriety and consideration for others;
  
• a disposition to kindness and compassion;
• decorate: make more attractive by adding ornament, colour, etc.;
  
• a short prayer of thanks before a meal
• deck: be beautiful to look at;
  
• the free and unmerited favor or beneficence of God;
• a beautiful girl brought into and deeply a part of our family - now a real princess with her King but taken so soon
  

{amazing grace}